Right, first of all I must qualify that my gal did not ACTUALLY say those words to me otherwise I will be nursing a Mount Everest heartbreak now. But I can bet you, if she knew what was going through my head as I send her off to camp, THIS will be what she'll be saying!
The story starts when my firstborn had a school camp a few weeks ago. Now, there is a very important word in that previous sentence - FIRSTBORN. I bet by now you know where I am heading towards... my firstborn, my baby and she is going away on camp, staying away from home for the first time! Geez! The amount of uncertainties and worries I have in my brain, un-uttered, could easily rivaled the vehicles on Bangkok roads at peak hours. One worry built on an uncertainty, one uncertainty feeding on yet another worry and the lists goes on. She was excited, I was quietly worried.
As the days got nearer to her camp, I got more worried. As I helped her prep her camp bag, I get more anxious. My worries? Many!...
I worry if she would be cold at night sleeping on the floor with no comfort of mattress.
(never mind the fact that hubby gave her the thickest possible sleeping bag which will probably make her steam instead of cold!
I worry about mosquitoes, insects and creepy crawlies.
(never mind the fact that I undulated her with repellant spray, repellant cream, mosquito repellant patches, long sleeves, long pants)
I worry if she would feel hungry in the middle of the night.
(never mind that I gave her enough secret biscuits stash to feed an army!)
I worry if she dares to wake up and go toilet in the middle of the night.
(never mind the fact that she is such a deep sleeper she sleeps through the night 200% of the time!)
I worry if she can get used to sleeping in the open.
(never mind that the so called "open" is actually sleeping in a dormitory with a sleeping bag)
You see what I mean?
We attended her campfire night performance and I was glad to have this chance to see her. I NEED to see her for myself that she is ok. Hubby patience was definitely tested and he ultimately said "she needs to learn how to take care of herself. There are teachers around too." Yeah, easy for you to say that! Its her first time away from home, first time she sleeps out in the open, first time she is alone at bedtime, first time she.... I am sure you get the drift.
She rushed to hug me when she saw me that night and I could see her fighting to control her tears. Friends were all around her and I know how important it is for her not to cry. A quick hug and a quick visual check to ensure no physical injuries that set my heart 50% at ease. Asked her if everything is ok and she answered in the affirmative saying that she was scared stiff by the zipline activity though but that she will tell me more when she is home tomorrow :) She quickly hugged me bye, going back to her queue line for supper and waved at me happily. I went home and yes, I could sleep.
When she was back the next day, she gave me an unexpected confession. She confessed that she was fighting to hold back her tears when she saw me. That she was so glad to see me and that she cannot cry in front of her friends even when she wanted to. Welcome to the world of peer pressure my dear. But I must say she did a good job, of controlling her tears cos as I walk out from the compound, I was reaching for my tissues!
So, on hindsight, she probably would not ask me to grow up :P but we both grew up that night. She with the confidence of being on her own while me, grew up as a mommy, learning that my baby had grown up (to a certain extent) and could be depended upon to take care of herself. Much as I dread, I know that my baby has indeed grown up. She could cook a decent meal, make coffee, bathe her younger sister, carry her baby brother, change his diaper and more! My baby has grown into a young lady...a VERY FINE YOUNG LADY!
I am so very proud of her!
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