One Little Word (OLW) - a term coined in scrapbooking by Ali Edwards which I have done for 2 years running.
The year before was "Focus" as I know that there will be loads of changes and adjustments with an addition to my family. I also wanted to focus on growing my own little store, taking it to a different level.
Last year's word was "Embrace" - to embrace the changes that I will embark on, being a stay home mom and embrace changes that I may take in terms of my career. After many years in the same line, truth to be said, I am weary, very much so. The politics and the ugliness of it all played a huge part. More and more I find myself dreading to go back to that career choice, one that was borne more out of necessity than interest. At the same time there is real fear. Fear of stepping into the unknown, of stepping into the air, of a new field where I do not have any history or experience to fall back on.
I pondered long and hard for my OLW this year. I wasn't ready, mentally to make such a commitment but 2015 rolled around a tad too quick for my liking and I found myself still without my OLW on New Year's Eve.
There are many uncertainties this coming year. I may need to go back to full time work, one that I am NOT looking forward to. Too good life as a SAHM? Hardly but I saw the impact on my older kiddos, of me staying home. Being SAHM had always been my dream career choice. Weird? Maybe. Unambitious? Definitely. I am never made for the cut throat world of business nor the politics of a management job. Hubby always said I am too righteous for my own good. My idea of principles is one that many would have scoffed at yet I take an unwavering stance on it, yes, even in these times.
No matter how much I dread going back to work, how much I would love to stay home for my kids, I know I can't. Not when I see hubby stressed out over bills, planning way in advance for big payments like insurance yet at the same time still trying to give us all that we need. Never once had he lamented, just much more careful in spending. Never once had he berated me for my choice, just quietly made sure that I do have enough money in my wallet. Never once had he stop helping out in household chores, he still do what he had always done (which is like 90% of all chores) and scold me if I don't take time to sleep when the kids are asleep (like now :P)
My hubby is a MCP, definitely! The differences being he is an MCP even to himself. He exacts the same standards on himself, not only on me. The best thing about him? He gives credit where it is. My firstborn was top in Science this year. We attended her prize ceremony to which I could see him so very proud of her. Yet when the Principal congratulated us, he gave the credit all to me, that I had spent alot of effort coaching her and igniting her interest.
With a hubby as such, how not to help him with his burden? How to turn a blind eye to the amount of stress that he silently takes? How to not share the burden when a problem shared is a problem halved. SIGHZ.... On the other hand, despite the many times I have asked and explained to my 2 older kiddos, the suggestion of my going back to work is always a resounding NO. I too, have my concerns of going back to work especially when my firstborn will be in P5 this year. I had heard too many horror stories of kids going from Band 1 & 2 to Band 3 and even Band 4 when in P5. The jump in academic expectations is simply too great to be ignored.
So after droning for so long, back to my main topic - my OLW for 2015. My word for 2015 will be "BRAVE".
To be brave to step back into the working life, even if it is to go part time.
To be brave to sought different career fields, despite being in the same line since I graduated.
To be brave to make changes and adjustments (once again) to my routine. You see, I am Taurus, I ABHOR changes and thrives on routine.
Last but not least, to be brave in my perspectives, to allow growth of new interests and ideas both in my day job and my own little business.
Looking back on 2014, it was a year where I was given time to renew and refresh myself. A time-out that gave me a chance to truly bond with my kiddos. A year where I took time to hear myself from the inside and not just the outside. I am thankful for this year. Grateful to be given a chance to sit back and reset my clock. Mentally I may not be prepared to let go yet but I know that I need to for its time to be BRAVE and go out once again. I do not have a map with my path drawn, but I do know that its time for me to take the lamp and light up the path again, going on its route and making choices when there is a fork (or many) in the path.
Wish me luck :)
Hope that your New Year's Day was awesome and here's to a better 2015 for all!
