With the release of PSLE results last week, the wait was finally over! Many months of preparation, hard work and perseverance all for the finality of this piece of paper and what is written on it. It sounded so final and so conclusive yet behind this piece of papers lies all the sweat and fear that probably started way back!
My firstborn had always been a below average student. Her dyslexic meant that she had to work doubly hard especially when it comes to her languages. I can well imagine how "easy" it is to read, digest and remember all those floating alphabets and words! Math is yet another subject that isn't easy. Sometimes I just wonder how is it relevant to solve questions as such?! Nevertheless, being in mainstream education means that she either has to keep up or get left behind.
When she first failed her Maths in P4 midyear exams, she was completely devastated! It was her first failure and it shook her badly. She worked even harder for her final exams and though she passed, it was a bare pass. She was not happy. Come P5, the Maths was even harder and she more determined to do well. She wanted to find out what was her problem, why isn't she understanding the questions. She did more revision, this time from P3 onwards. She worked at all topics, re-visiting her weaker topics over and over again. She did assessment after assessment to strengthen her understanding. She redo topical tests again and again. All these was done with help from her tuition teacher and her own determination. Against all, she thrived. She finished P5 topping her class in Maths and Science. Am I proud of her? Yes!
Proud of her determination and hard work.
Proud of her mental strength.
Proud of her tenacity to continue.
If it was me, I may not have the perseverance to continue. I really take my hat off to her, many times over, for revising her P3, P4 and then P5 Maths. It was more than an uphill task, but she did it. Her weekends were spent poring over questions, self-marking, memorizing formulas and more. She did all these while keeping up with her P5 work. It was nothing short of amazing to me.
Come P6, she was even more determined, more self directed, more focused. She wanted to do well, not for us but for herself. She wants to get into her preferred field of study after 'O' levels. She knows it will not be easy but she did not let that stop her. U may not believe me but I did not plan her revision. She did all that by her own. She listed topics that she had difficulties in, was weaker in. Planned her revision schedule, for all 4 subjects. Systematically tick them off as she goes through them. Scheduled more time to re-visit weaker topics again as the time neared PSLE. She self banned herself from her mobile, not wanting any distraction. She updates me on her revision, letting me know that she is on top of things.
She also cried when the stress gets to her. Bawled for not knowing if all these will translate into good results. Confided her fears and expectations. Teared when she just can't seem to get it. Stoned when it gets too overwhelming.
When PSLE comes around, she was very fearful on the first 2 days. Being language papers, she was most fearful of these and if she could do well enough to get a decent grade. I accompanied her to school all 4 days. I told her, on all 4 days, that it is NOT the end of the world, nothing is. There will ALWAYS be a way out. And no matter what is the result, she had put in her best work and that is all that matters.
Fast forward to the "D-Day". As we sat there nervously waiting for the results to be given out, I was praying for her hard work to be rewarded, for her not to be disappointed. I was mentally preparing to console and to cry along with her if it did not turn out well. I was more nervous getting her results than my own many years ago!!!
When she took the result slip and dare not look at it, instead waited for me to reach her side. As she took a deep breath and fearfully peered at her results, instantly giving a yelp of joy, my tears dropped. I did not even look at the results. I hugged her, thankful that her hard work did not go to null and that she was not disappointed!
Was her results fantastic? Yes to us but probably less than stellar to alot of parents. Are we too easily contended? Maybe but no matter the results, we were already very proud of how hard she had worked. Proud of her determination and tenacity. Proud of her resilience and strength.
To us, the numbers in her score did not represent her. Instead it was the journey to this day that had defined her. She had gone beyond our expectations in many aspects.
She was disadvantaged with a learning disability. Yet she is now a avid reader with an appetite for many genres of books.
She was devastated by her fail in Maths. Yet she overcame that through sheer determination and hard work.
She was never an attention seeker. Yet she was selected as a student leader in school and showed us her leadership ability. She even represented her school in sports, making it to school team as a first team player.
With all these, she still have time to play with her younger brother, help her younger sister with schoolwork. Was she always willing? Nah, she is still a teenager and being at that age brings with it all the angst and what-not. She has her moods and her opinions and as with all parents of teenagers, I am learning how to handle this as best as I could yet still give her the freedom that she could have.
With all that being said of PSLE and its scores, I am thankful that I was truly happy for her, right from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps she could do even better? Maybe. Yet that does not take away any ounce of how proud we are, of her determination, her hard work, her tenacity and resilience! An old schoolmate asked me point blank "Aren't you too easily contended? Her scores aren't good!" My answer? "Yes, in the whole scheme of things she is nowhere near what the current society has deemed 'good'. Yet she has exceeded all our expectations, exceeded her own expectations and all was done through her own hard work and sacrifice. This alone makes us proud and we are not shy to shout it out!"
She had taught me how good being hardworking feels, how satisfying when you know that u have given your best and how humbling when you finally get your results.
She had taught me that the journey is INDEED more important than the destination.
She had taught me that no matter how high the odds were stacked against u, with determination and grit, you CAN remove them one by one, piece by piece.
Thank you my dear, for teaching me through your experiences and your actions. I have never been more humbled than when I look at her and how much she had grown and matured :) GRATEFUL.
